Zombie Watch: Patient zero? Which one?

Posted: May 31, 2012 in Zombie Watch
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*Warning and Disclaimer: This feature may contain gruesome descriptions of acts performed by real people, or imagined (and this one does).  People who are squeamish or easily disturbed read with caution.  While we present these ideas and stories with a bit of levity we in no way mean to belittle the acts, or underplay the seriousness of the situations.  Some of the people in these events are very disturbed individuals.  Our hearts and prayers go out to the victims and their families.*

A coworker of mine pointed me to a couple of news articles, and we got to talking about zombie related stuff, and it got me thinking…NEW FEATURE!  What geekesque blog type site is complete without a zombie conspiracy bent?  That’s right, you lucky cats get a new feature to come semi-irregularly from Frags and Beer.  I’ll let the applause die down before I go on…

Done?

Right, so I figured I’d start with two news stories that have come up fairly recently (or I was just made aware of them anyway) that are sort of creepy, but also maybe a sign of things to come.  The first comes to us out of Miami, and unless you were living under a rock, or in your ‘off the grid’ zombie bunker, you have heard of the naked man shot while eating another man’s face.

Literally like something out of a George Romero film, police stumbled on a guy eating the face of another man.  For some reason both were naked.  The police tried to break up the fight, but the assailant would not stop so they shot him.  Doctors and police are linking this to a form of LSD called ‘bath salts’ which raise the user’s body temperature (why he was naked) and causing delirium and death….zombie bath salts?  The first shot had no effect!  Did the assailant turn his head around and hiss at the officers or moan?  I’m guessing they wouldn’t share that detail but I would bet the officers expected it.

Police aren’t sharing any other details about the attack or the condition of the victim.  Is he being observed for signs?  Did the last shot strike the assailant in the head?  Is that what finally dropped him?  All serious questions I assure you.  Seriously though, whoever gave the guy the zombie bath salts needs to go to prison for a very long time.

The next story, about a man cutting his own intestines out and throwing them at police, even postulates in the headline that this might have some zombie connection.  This guy, under the influence of mental illness (zombification?) or drugs (zombie inducing drugs?) cuts off pieces of himself and throws them at cops!  This is not the work of a human being of sound mind or body.  While this one is stretching it a bit, granted he could have just snapped while trying to commit suicide, it still makes one wonder doesn’t it?

This trend is not to be taken likely my friends.  If you, or anyone you know, stumbles upon a news story like this let us know.  You can drop me an email at magus_taliesin@hotmail.com.  Stock up, hunker down, and stay safe my friends, this could be the beginning of the end.

***UPDATE***

Added this here because it happened so close to the others and didn’t feel that an entirely new post was warranted.  Seems that a man in Maryland has admitted to butchering and eating parts of his roomate!  Is anyone else starting to go over bunker plans in their head?  This guy seems more like a ‘brutal murder/cannibal’ type, but in all honesty what if it’s just a new breed of zombie that no one in Hollywood has thought of yet?  He tried to hide it at first, which denotes a certain level of intelligence, and the article says the guy is very smart.  Smart zombies?  Wouldn’t that make for a terrifying apocalypse?  I’m telling you folks, time to start preparing.

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